OK, i haven't written in a while...i have been dealing with a lot....I have been trying to find my strength in the lord....which brings me to my topic----FAITH!!!I am young and independent, i have been through a lot and i have seen and heard a lot but nothing had destroyed my faith up until Friday, Jun 1, 2007.....
Yes, i have a "dead beat baby daddy" but i never let that stop my show....to be honest i never wanted my son but he is here now and i love his little butt to death.....I guess God needed me to see how important my son was too me, whether i wanted to see it or not....
JUN 1, 2007
This is like so many weeks of unpaid daycare...Mind you i don't ask him for nothing but daycare he is court ordered to pay, which he doesn't and because i am not on welfare i have to handle that situation on my own per family court intake---ain't that some %#&@$!....anyway, i have paid the daycare on numerous occasions when he hadn't and with things getting more expensive, especially gas and i have a SUV things are a little tight for me...so i decided i was no longer going to play these games...you have a job and a responsibility to take care of this child as i do and you will do it...
at this point daycare is now two weeks past due and this is his weekend with his son (he has ditched him a few times there too---he really ain't %#&@$!) so i call him, i am polite and i tell him "daycare has to be paid today, you did not pay the week ending 5/25 and this week is due 6/1 the amount is 180.00" he replies, "how i gave you (check this out) $35.00 last week....so i only owe you $125.00 (now i am thinking to myself all these months he has went w/o paying daycare he is actually going to credit himself 35.00 from the 180.00---he ain't %#&@$! and 35.00 from 180 is 145--NUCCA can't subtract either)
i had to break it down for him, um i paid 19.99 for a box of 80 pampers, 5.99 for a box of wipes, and i purchased him 5 chef boyardee lunches @ 1.19 a cup... now how far do you think that 35.00 was going to go....and you don't owe me 125 you owe me 145.00---35 from 180 is 145.00...he replies i gave you an extra 20.00 two weeks ago...
now i am getting pist---all this time i covered this lousy %#&@$! 180.00 and you are going to micro mange every dime you gave me, which wasn't that often....i said well, since you want to be petty' figure up all the times i covered daycare, then i said you know what just pay the 180.00 (i wasn't going to be petty or immature)...as of today i am out of the daycare situation.. since you are financially responsible for it by court order you handle it...i will let them know that all financial responsibilities will lay with you....
he says oh no you won't, i don't live there you handle it---(he acts like he lives a thousand miles away, he lives in Philly off of 76 a half hour ride...) i said look i am tired of being embarrassed every time i go there and find out that you haven't paid and they are looking for me to pay (sometimes i don't have the money but i sacrifice one thing to pay for another) i am not dealing with it anymore...Goodbye!
well, i guess he did not like that coming from the push over (he thought i was anyway) he calls back (mind you, i am at work) since you want to be petty i am not paying daycare (cause you don't have it ; u never do, is what i an thinking) and i am NOT taking my son, when you get here i won't be here(now i am thinking is he really going to diss his son for 180.00, it is not that serious)
As normal, i get off, work, pack the baby's bag head to Philly, get there, i see him and his ugly %#&@$! cousin(my bad that was mean) in front of the shop, i blow to make sure he sees me, i go around the block and park come back with the baby and my two other kids in toe, he is gone....
i go inside hey, where's (deadbeat)? i don't know replies his brother....i reply, they were just in front of the shop...nah, i don't know where they are at....now i am thinking to myself, i know this nucca ain't playing this game...so i waited for him for like a half hour.....
a patron comes out the barbershop (because that is where he lives) and she says are you the baby mom, i am like yes, she replies, sis he is in there....he told his brother when my baby mom comes in tell her that i am not here....Now i am heated he is not going to give me the money nor is he going to take the baby (calm down girl). i go back in, P, i am not trying to cause a seen in your shop but i know your brother is in here or you know where he is at... P says for real meek he didn't come in here...
Now i know he is lieing, i got my children with me how am i going to react? I walk out try to calm myself...i am thinking, and i am pacing back and forth....this light skin dude comes up, yo you look mad as hell sis, i say, go in there and tell deadbeat to come out now!!! light skin dude com back he says, look ma, (ugly ass cousin) in there sleep, and deadbeat says he ain't here.....now i snap!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i push pass light skin dude, go get your f*cking brother now, i am not playing these games, i have no time for it...this is your nephew, you gonna do your nephew like this? P replies, i am for real they never came in here....Why the f*ck dude just tell me that (ugly %#&@$! cousin) is sleep and (dead beat) said he ain't here...you go get him or i will.....
i realized i am being petty, crazy and unlady like (but %#&@$! this is my son) then it clicked, leave him here....dead beat gotta come back sooner or later, (since they claim he ain't here---liars).....so i place my 2 year old in the chair with is bag and tell his brother, tell him to come get his son..... me and my two other children walk out....(read real carefully, you are not going to believe this)
Dead beats brother, my son's uncle places my 2 (two) year old son on the step with his bag, closes the door and lock it...My son is now running towards the street and me and my other children are crossing....i had to grab them and run back to get my son, because he was coming into the street and a trolley was coming........(at that moment i knew this little boy was my everything he was apart of my being, i realized, i love my son)
when we all were safe, i went ballistic...i was looking for the brothers car (nice Accra) because i was going to bust that son of a %#&@$! up----i started screaming, cursing, kicking the door just acting pure ugly, and all this time his dad made no effort....i finally got it together, and left...
on the ride home, my children rode in silence...(surprised) i thought to myself, i have been dedicated to the lord, i have try to allow him to order my steps but why has God allowed me to endure this struggle alone....the more and more I thought the less faith i had in him, God!!!
by the time i reached my home, i had completely lost it, i was crying, contemplating suicide and taking the kids with me....not because i did not love them but because i loved them so much and i am the reason that they are here and they do not have the fullest life they can have, their fathers.....
i made bad decisions regarding men and i felt like my decisions had cause pain in my children who did not ask to be here...guilt was eating me alive....the more i thought, the more i realized that i choose this life and wanted it to be over....at that moment i loved no one, not even God....
the situation became so horrific and as i started to describe my pain to my mom she realized that i needed her...My best friend came,not knowing what she was walking into, and to be honest, she was shocked....my friends look up to me because for all these years i have held it down and never lost focus and for the first time they saw me out of control of things....she did not know what to say....actually her saying nothing was the best thing....
my dad showed up and that helped a lot...for the first time, my dad was my daddy!!!! i needed his comfort and his love and he gave it to me....was there until 12:00 that night....
as the weekend progressed, i started questioning the things going on in my life, and asked God why have you made me so strong, why am i so independent....you know what the reply was, "i have given you 3 of the best blessings i could give you and you are the only one tough enough to take on this task of being their mother and father....."
that is truly what my heart felt so with that, it renewed my strength and restored my faith....i looked at my children and i promised to give them the best damn life i can....i stopped complaining about what their fathers aren't doing and started thinking about what more can i do... IF GOD BROUGHT YOU TO IT, HE WILL BRING YOU THROUGH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
******************MOMMIES BABIES, DADDIES MAYBE*************************
Yes, i have a "dead beat baby daddy" but i never let that stop my show....to be honest i never wanted my son but he is here now and i love his little butt to death.....I guess God needed me to see how important my son was too me, whether i wanted to see it or not....
JUN 1, 2007
This is like so many weeks of unpaid daycare...Mind you i don't ask him for nothing but daycare he is court ordered to pay, which he doesn't and because i am not on welfare i have to handle that situation on my own per family court intake---ain't that some %#&@$!....anyway, i have paid the daycare on numerous occasions when he hadn't and with things getting more expensive, especially gas and i have a SUV things are a little tight for me...so i decided i was no longer going to play these games...you have a job and a responsibility to take care of this child as i do and you will do it...
at this point daycare is now two weeks past due and this is his weekend with his son (he has ditched him a few times there too---he really ain't %#&@$!) so i call him, i am polite and i tell him "daycare has to be paid today, you did not pay the week ending 5/25 and this week is due 6/1 the amount is 180.00" he replies, "how i gave you (check this out) $35.00 last week....so i only owe you $125.00 (now i am thinking to myself all these months he has went w/o paying daycare he is actually going to credit himself 35.00 from the 180.00---he ain't %#&@$! and 35.00 from 180 is 145--NUCCA can't subtract either)
i had to break it down for him, um i paid 19.99 for a box of 80 pampers, 5.99 for a box of wipes, and i purchased him 5 chef boyardee lunches @ 1.19 a cup... now how far do you think that 35.00 was going to go....and you don't owe me 125 you owe me 145.00---35 from 180 is 145.00...he replies i gave you an extra 20.00 two weeks ago...
now i am getting pist---all this time i covered this lousy %#&@$! 180.00 and you are going to micro mange every dime you gave me, which wasn't that often....i said well, since you want to be petty' figure up all the times i covered daycare, then i said you know what just pay the 180.00 (i wasn't going to be petty or immature)...as of today i am out of the daycare situation.. since you are financially responsible for it by court order you handle it...i will let them know that all financial responsibilities will lay with you....
he says oh no you won't, i don't live there you handle it---(he acts like he lives a thousand miles away, he lives in Philly off of 76 a half hour ride...) i said look i am tired of being embarrassed every time i go there and find out that you haven't paid and they are looking for me to pay (sometimes i don't have the money but i sacrifice one thing to pay for another) i am not dealing with it anymore...Goodbye!
well, i guess he did not like that coming from the push over (he thought i was anyway) he calls back (mind you, i am at work) since you want to be petty i am not paying daycare (cause you don't have it ; u never do, is what i an thinking) and i am NOT taking my son, when you get here i won't be here(now i am thinking is he really going to diss his son for 180.00, it is not that serious)
As normal, i get off, work, pack the baby's bag head to Philly, get there, i see him and his ugly %#&@$! cousin(my bad that was mean) in front of the shop, i blow to make sure he sees me, i go around the block and park come back with the baby and my two other kids in toe, he is gone....
i go inside hey, where's (deadbeat)? i don't know replies his brother....i reply, they were just in front of the shop...nah, i don't know where they are at....now i am thinking to myself, i know this nucca ain't playing this game...so i waited for him for like a half hour.....
a patron comes out the barbershop (because that is where he lives) and she says are you the baby mom, i am like yes, she replies, sis he is in there....he told his brother when my baby mom comes in tell her that i am not here....Now i am heated he is not going to give me the money nor is he going to take the baby (calm down girl). i go back in, P, i am not trying to cause a seen in your shop but i know your brother is in here or you know where he is at... P says for real meek he didn't come in here...
Now i know he is lieing, i got my children with me how am i going to react? I walk out try to calm myself...i am thinking, and i am pacing back and forth....this light skin dude comes up, yo you look mad as hell sis, i say, go in there and tell deadbeat to come out now!!! light skin dude com back he says, look ma, (ugly ass cousin) in there sleep, and deadbeat says he ain't here.....now i snap!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i push pass light skin dude, go get your f*cking brother now, i am not playing these games, i have no time for it...this is your nephew, you gonna do your nephew like this? P replies, i am for real they never came in here....Why the f*ck dude just tell me that (ugly %#&@$! cousin) is sleep and (dead beat) said he ain't here...you go get him or i will.....
i realized i am being petty, crazy and unlady like (but %#&@$! this is my son) then it clicked, leave him here....dead beat gotta come back sooner or later, (since they claim he ain't here---liars).....so i place my 2 year old in the chair with is bag and tell his brother, tell him to come get his son..... me and my two other children walk out....(read real carefully, you are not going to believe this)
Dead beats brother, my son's uncle places my 2 (two) year old son on the step with his bag, closes the door and lock it...My son is now running towards the street and me and my other children are crossing....i had to grab them and run back to get my son, because he was coming into the street and a trolley was coming........(at that moment i knew this little boy was my everything he was apart of my being, i realized, i love my son)
when we all were safe, i went ballistic...i was looking for the brothers car (nice Accra) because i was going to bust that son of a %#&@$! up----i started screaming, cursing, kicking the door just acting pure ugly, and all this time his dad made no effort....i finally got it together, and left...
on the ride home, my children rode in silence...(surprised) i thought to myself, i have been dedicated to the lord, i have try to allow him to order my steps but why has God allowed me to endure this struggle alone....the more and more I thought the less faith i had in him, God!!!
by the time i reached my home, i had completely lost it, i was crying, contemplating suicide and taking the kids with me....not because i did not love them but because i loved them so much and i am the reason that they are here and they do not have the fullest life they can have, their fathers.....
i made bad decisions regarding men and i felt like my decisions had cause pain in my children who did not ask to be here...guilt was eating me alive....the more i thought, the more i realized that i choose this life and wanted it to be over....at that moment i loved no one, not even God....
the situation became so horrific and as i started to describe my pain to my mom she realized that i needed her...My best friend came,not knowing what she was walking into, and to be honest, she was shocked....my friends look up to me because for all these years i have held it down and never lost focus and for the first time they saw me out of control of things....she did not know what to say....actually her saying nothing was the best thing....
my dad showed up and that helped a lot...for the first time, my dad was my daddy!!!! i needed his comfort and his love and he gave it to me....was there until 12:00 that night....
as the weekend progressed, i started questioning the things going on in my life, and asked God why have you made me so strong, why am i so independent....you know what the reply was, "i have given you 3 of the best blessings i could give you and you are the only one tough enough to take on this task of being their mother and father....."
that is truly what my heart felt so with that, it renewed my strength and restored my faith....i looked at my children and i promised to give them the best damn life i can....i stopped complaining about what their fathers aren't doing and started thinking about what more can i do... IF GOD BROUGHT YOU TO IT, HE WILL BRING YOU THROUGH IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
******************MOMMIES BABIES, DADDIES MAYBE*************************
7 comments:
This is my first time to your blog and...my first thought...in a word is...WOW!!!
I don't have kids, so I don't have baby daddy drama, but I have plenty of friends that do, so I do understand what you're going through.
Recognize that you can only do so much. You can not make your ex take the responsibility of fatherhood seriously. It's a shame that this leaves the responsibility on your shoulders, but it is what it is.
Take his ass to court and get a child support order to dock his paycheck. Having him pay the daycare center directly is clearly not working.
Faith in GOD is important, but GOD gave us all a brain and the ability to have faith in ourselves as well. You're stronger then you think you are. Don't let what happened keep you down.
wow that was truly inspirational...
even though i already knew what happened and how everythine went down, it still ripped my heart into pieces to read this again...you know its like the entire scene went through my head again...
its ok...its really ok...we all have those moments and the fact that you fought your way through it is a testimony...your life is a testimony, there will be so many women who can relate and learn from what you have been through...
FAITH is all we got...and all we NEED! We all have choices and sometimes we make the wrong ones, but GOD is ALWAYS right there to bring you through whatever it is that you are going though...so you keep your FAITH!!!! KEEP it!!!!
I'm so glad you posted...YES!!!
I'll email you directly...lol
Smooches!
JCROFT
oh sweetheart I almost had tears as I read this. While I did not have to experience it in this manner, i have had many nights in tears over a deadbeat and feeling less of a woman and mom for the choices I made in having babies wit sorry ass men. Let me tell her something...THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO TO MAKE A SORRY ASS MAN BE A BETTER MAN!!!!
I think you learned that already with all of this and I pray that you never have to experience this again. I wish I could say that it gets better but it does not.
My daughter is extremely depressed right now because her father wont talk to her and when he does he is hardly interested in what she has to say and she knows it. It makes me sad but my hands are tied. My only request of her is to not have babies before a sealed successful marriage in the hopes that she never has to raise a child alone.
But for you dear I want to let u know that you are truly not alone in this. Ive been checkin u out lately and we share the same struggle. You can ALWAYS count on me for a good word or a shoulder to lean on when it gets hard. Start the process of eliminating the need. DO NOT take ur son to him any longer. It is painfully obvious that he is not interested in being a good father...and neither is his family according to the post. I almost cried when u said they put the baby out and locked the door.
I have visions to this day of holding a desert eagle to my deadbeats head and pullin the trigger. Thats a big ass fifty calibur gun ladies that would put a hole in a bear! Its a violent thought but it gets me through. Anyway, stand strong sista no matta what cause you all dem babies got!!! And together, us single momma's gon do this thang!!!!
@opinionated diva: i am glad you stopped by i appreciate it...Yes, it took me 2 years to realize that i can not make him do a damn thing he has to want to do it...For the record i have filed for child support we have court on the 6th of July(he cursed me out something terrible) I am ready; i have his tax forms from the last 3 years so if he even tries to pull that i do not have a job, i want to know why because you have had one for the last three years...My momma said "God takes care of his children" and June 4th is the day i realized it....
again, thank you for the love
@tc: although you knew it, it still brings me to tears when reading it and knowing that this actually went down in my life and for one second i fell apart...But i am only one person and trying to carry the world on my shoulders is impossible....So i appreciate you bringing me to blog world because now i can look back and one day read this and thank God he brought me through the storm....and realize that we serve an AWESOME God...I love you for that.....
@j: i appreciated you stoppoing by and yes, Single momma's are doing their thang...all this only makes me stronger and realize that they are my babies and daddies maybe...i never realized raising kids alone would be this hard but it is and i tell me daughter and son at the ages of 9 and 6 "do not have children until you are married" and honestly i think they understand and see the struggles that i go through... and with each day i am "learnign me and lovin it!"
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